Perfectionism is a character trait strongly associated with anxiety disorders in children and adults. The following factors can play a key role in the development of anxiety in someone with strong perfectionistic traits.
1- Intolerance of Uncertainty:
This refers to your inability to deal with and/or avoid the unknown. Most perfectionists won’t try something new unless all questions are answered, and there’s a definite plan that leads to success. However, many are paralyzed because of the high, and rigid standards that they presume will avoid any problem. If a situation is unclear because those standards haven’t been met, then you will begin to feel anxious. Therefore, may develop behaviors to cope with the ensuing distress.
For children, the levels of distress can be even greater, as they rely on adults to decide standards of care and precaution for most situations. If you notice your child frequently second-guessing your decisions, double-checking plans for safety, or trying to control parts of plans, it may be a good idea to assess their levels of insecurity, perfectionism, and even anxiety. Your child may tantrum out of fear of the unknown, not just because they want to get their way.
2- Perceived Competence:
The extent to which you believe in your ability to master different tasks in your life (social, physical, mental). It makes sense, if you have unrealistically high standards of competence, it leads you to believe that you are highly unlikely to reach them and therefore; perceive yourself more often as a failure. If this belief system persists, you are more likely to feel anxious about your perceived inability to succeed. Leaving you depressed when focusing only on the drawbacks and less likely to try new experiences that can lead to growth and enjoyment.
It should be noted that perfectionism can be domain-specific. So, a child or an adult who has high standards, for say, making friends may not hold the same standards to organizing their room or home unless they find that this affects their social status. What this means is that the child feels like a failure based not on reality, but on high and unrealistic expectations set by themselves or others. Parents who are highly controlling and authoritarian tend to hold their children back from developing their ability to deal with challenging situations.
3- Not Just Right Experiences:
Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation and you find yourself doing all of these things to make it “just right” to resolve the discomfort? Some people believe that it’s our way of gaining control over a situation, to resolve uncomfortable feelings. Some individuals create rituals or sets of behaviors they swear by, to reduce the discomfort now and in the future. Others worry in advance, in the hopes that worrying in advance will reduce the likelihood of discomfort in the future.
4- Effortful and Emotional Control:
This refers to your ability to suppress dominant reactions or feelings to act in a different manner. This can relate to socialized behaviors like manners – focusing attention and inhibiting certain behaviors depending on the context. However, if failures are perceived threats to a child or an adult with perfectionistic tendencies, their ability to control their reactions may be less regulated. Meaning there’s a higher likelihood to see a meltdown in an otherwise put-together child. The child’s (adult) inability to deal with high feelings of stress and being overwhelmed in the face of perceived failures may lead to worry about future situations. Especially if there’s a low level of predictability or known factors for the future.
These four factors relate to perfectionism and also the development of anxiety disorders in children. If these characteristics pop out about your child or teen, it is important to take note and find ways to help them cope with belief systems that keep them in an anxious loop.
Are you afraid of making mistakes? Check out this post, The Fear Of Making A Mistake As A Perfectionist.
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