Self-help books provide the key to unlocking the problem you’re facing today. There are self-help books on every topic imaginable, all filled with incredible Hero’s Journey success stories and step-by-step guides to improve your situation. So why is it, then, that many people who devour self-help books trip over the same real-life problem year after year?
Maybe while you’re looking at your nightstand topped with psychology, parenting, dieting, and financing books, ask yourself a few questions:
- Did you get to the end of the book where the how-to guide actually begins?
- If you got to the end, did you start implementing the guide just like the book recommends?
- If you started to implement the guide, did you follow through till the very end?
Self-help books are only as good as their message resonates with you and in as much as your insight around the issue aligns with that message.
Let me explain. Many parents come to me after having read through tons of parenting books and state, “I literally told my partner to bear with me while I started speaking to our child the way the book says to do so, only for it to backfire in my face and feel like a dumbass in front of my family.” Even if you have the scripts down pat, they probably don’t carry the same feeling the author intended when they were written. You may be picking up this book at the beginning of your process of making major changes in your life and even though your intentions are awesome, you don’t have the skill set to carry out what you want to see take shape.
Setting boundaries with self-help books.
Also, some self-help books can be, well, a bit corny and cheesy and it would seem so random if all of a sudden you shifted your tone, vocabulary, and how you communicate with others, especially if you’re the only one reading them in the family. People may take you up as being fake or manipulative instead of genuinely trying to show up differently in the world. Some self-help books love to pin readers who are like the authors against others who are portrayed by the author to have caused harm (ahem codependent, narcissist, empath books). This defeats the whole purpose! Yes, setting boundaries, creating safety procedures, awareness, and self-compassion are all key to a healing journey, but redirecting hate is just more of the same old and not much about healing.
Some books may be filled with tons of details about how a specific diet or exercise program worked for the author yet without the details of how to troubleshoot or get around to specific pitfalls regarding making major changes to your life. Leaving you shelling out tons of money on stuff you don’t really know how to use properly for your well-being.
However, self-help books when used in conjunction with therapy or insight-oriented work with a qualified professional can be a great resource of information. Why? Because the process gets to the sweet spot of aligning your intentions and your personal style with the breadth and depth that a book can offer.
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