It’s Mother’s Day. The day that’s supposed to be all about us. I have been getting emails for the past month from every store I have ever visited about their Mother’s Day sales events. Our addiction to consumerism is predicated on the notion that we need, no, WE Deserve MORE things to feel okay with ourselves and to feel loved. 

I even half-considered Havaiana’s attempts to sell me a new pair of flip-flops as a worthy enough Mother’s Day gift. Marketing. It becomes a bit complicated for me as my children aren’t old enough to shop for a gift on their own. I kind of leave it up to the teachers to decorate some Mother’s Day printables from 1995 as part of the week’s activity to make due for the day’s gift debauchery. 

The gift exchange on such specific days has morphed into an issue of self-love and self-esteem.

If you’re good with yourself and you love yourself, you inevitably choose people who match your self-esteem and self-love, so the idea goes. So if you’re getting awesome gifts, then you’re really on the right track.  But, really, is that what it means? That sets us up for so much disappointment, feeling left out, disregarded, and when it comes to motherhood, it’s all of that plus an extra layer of mommy guilt when you don’t get the gift. 

The mommy guilt rant goes something like this: What kind of ungrateful children am I raising who don’t even take the time to write me a simple happy mother’s day card? What kind of father did I choose to co-create these children who doesn’t take into consideration all that I do for his children?! Where did I go wrong? What book, blog, and IG account can I look to for some wisdom so that next year I’ll get my gift? 

Am I close? 

When did we decide to go along with the idea that one day out of the year is the only day deserving to make it all about us? When did we buy into the idea that motherhood is a selfless act when the entire idea of becoming a mother (by choice)  is incredibly self-serving and selfish?

If you’re upset by this idea, I will explain. Becoming a mother adds an exponential kaleidoscope of breadth and depth to our life and by proxy, to the life of our children. If we can own that fact, then maybe we can decide how we want to raise our kids and spend our days when a little self-love goes a long way because the idea to bring them into the world was ours, to begin with. We should still have a say as to what type of world we want them to grow up in where they as much as us can enjoy it, to the extent that’s feasible. 

From the professional and personal levels.

Many moms I speak to on the professional and personal level sheepishly state that they wish they didn’t dedicate so much of their waking hours to their children but that they do because if they spend time on themselves, they are being selfish. Then, these moms bemoan that their families half-ass the day that’s supposed to be dedicated to them because they are always doing everything for them. Well, when and how is the rest of them supposed to learn?

So. This year on Mother’s Day whether you get the gift or not, take a minute and decide if this is it for you. And if it’s not, take another minute to decide, what has to change to make it (life) what you want? And if you have trouble creating that list of change, could you talk to someone about it?  Oftentimes, it’s a matter of sharing your thoughts with someone who can guide you in the direction to that life where you feel truly loved and appreciated with or without the flip flops.