Perfectionists are analysts, you know? Always looking for the right answer that makes the most sense. We’re top-heavy folks. Until…until something happens and the emotional experience doesn’t match our thoughts. There have been so many times, as recently as just a few weeks ago, where I berate myself for being a “pendeja” (stupid) for feeling my feelings. I should know better by now but for whatever the reasons that exist, I like to trip over the same stone. 

Analyzing the situation.

When I analyze the situation, there is absolutely no logical or rational reason whatsoever for my feelings. People are who they are, situations come up, we need to learn and move on. Next! The moving on part…that’s where the work lies. If I continue to call myself “una semerenda pendeja” (an incredibly huge brute), I not only deflect the original pain, but now I am focusing on the idea that I’m a brute. Well, being a brute means you can’t figure it out. The mindset shifts from one of sorting through and moving on to tripping over the same stone forever because I am stupid and don’t learn. What’s the saying- if being hard on yourself worked, it would’ve worked by now. It never works. 

Why do we hide from our feelings?

Why do we try to analyze them to bits? The hope is that the more we analyze the more we disintegrate them until they disappear. Wishful thinking 😉 We don’t want to own how we feel because that shows vulnerability. Being vulnerable is uncomfortable for many of us because we think that we are at the mercy of others’ goodwill. Being vulnerable shows that regardless of how logical it is for something not to bother you- it does and there’s (still) some healing to be done. By you, no one else.

Instead, we want to hide these feelings because being rational is the best way- we can move on with life as if it doesn’t bother us. By no means am I condoning adult tantrums or pity parties. But, can we allow ourselves to have the moment where we feel like it sucks to be us and then, deal with how we can improve the situation? Can we take a step back and recognize the pain that we’re feeling and instead of it consuming us forever, we let it rise to the surface, watch it, hold it, and let it go? I think this way, though a bit longer and scarier at first, is a bit easier. There are fewer distractions and less drama. I feel this way because I am still dealing with this issue. It will evolve and change as I use the time that passes to heal it. Before you know it, the next time you see the stone, you will recognize it and walk around it. 

Do you ever feel like the “Black Sheep” of the family? If so, Click Here!