Perfectionism in parental research

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard one person or another try to win an argument with, “but research states that…”. Many parents email hundreds of articles to their co-parents about the latest child development research proving their way is better to raise optimally brilliant, lovely children. And do they read the articles? Most parents, sheepishly, will say no. 

The arguments continue, and now not only do we have parenting issues to sort out, but marital ones as well – although undoubtedly, the marital ones came first. We all look for something to hold on to. Especially now, when there is so much information out there, so much of it openly clouded by ulterior motives. (I am not a conspiracy theorist most days of the week.) You can find research to support any type of cause you’re into these days because the term research has lost its clout over the past several years. 

As a clinical psychologist, I understand

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love and live by research. I am a clinical psychologist, meaning I spent four years of undergrad plus six years of graduate school refining my research skills. Refining research skills means that I painstakingly read through thousands of articles, analyzing each one’s methods. Comparing the results found in each one to get a clearer understanding of the validity of each study’s conclusions. My dissertation relied on 3 ft. pillars of articles and large electronic folders on my computer drive. My research continues. Part of keeping my license current means that I continue my education and expand on what I learned in school. 

So, when someone remarks, “But you know what the research says . . .,” I am all ears – not necessarily to what the research they found said, but how they are trying to prove their point using studies to justify their beliefs as the One Almighty End All Be All to the discussion. Until someone else says, “But, just the other day, I read something that said the opposite!” And the discussion continues. 

Research can be biased

Can scientific research be biased? Is there pure scientific research that can conclude the correct answer? In many ways, yes. Some scientific and mathematical tenets stand the test of time. Physical, emotional, psychological abuse, and neglect are always detrimental; no research can prove otherwise. There are countless studies in the psychological, financial, political, and biological fields (that I am aware of) demonstrating that abuse and neglect are significantly damaging, not just to the person directly affected by these acts but to their subsequent generations.  

I would rather people stop citing articles to their significant others for the sake of proving a point and more for the sake of learning and expanding their worldview. When someone uses research to justify their lifestyle, it circumnavigates the notion that what they feel and want is valid. You may argue with me and say, “It’s the opposite! I looked up the research because my feelings about this matter are important.” It’s not the research that’s the problem; it’s using that as a way to try to convince the other that they are wrong and you are right, which typically doesn’t work out if the other person is just as stuck in their worldview. 

When more information doesn’t work to change the other’s perspective, something else is holding them to it. So, the next time you’re thinking of proving a point based on research, take a moment and try to understand what may keep the other person on their side of the argument because lack of information ain’t it. 

Are you afraid of making a mistake? If so read my last blog post, The Fear Of Making A Mistake As A Perfectionist – Dr. Eva Therapy.