At the beginning of my perfectionism awareness journey, someone said to me, “You lack gratitude.” I was shocked. “No way! But, I have manners! I always say my please and thank you’s. I let everyone know how much I love and appreciate them,” I replied. She explained that gratitude goes beyond manners. It goes beyond thoughts and prayers. It goes beyond our expectations. Expectations. Those sneaky boogers are at it again. When we expect perfection and throw a tantrum about how it’s just not fair and how it/we/they are never good enough – we are not in gratitude. Focusing mostly on the negative, what’s missing or wrong, is not living being thankful for what is positive and true to your life. 

Now, this doesn’t mean not having any standards or staying in unhealthy situations. Or repeating to yourself how lucky you are for having beyond basic means of living or reminding yourself that others have it worse, to let go of whatever is bothering you. It means, taking the moment for what it is and getting past the initial complaint of it not being perfect. Then, discerning what’s got to give to make it right, not perfect. 

As the holiday season fast approaches, we can be bombarded by vacation plans, gatherings, and festive decorations. The holidays are emotionally loaded with expectations. Will you follow traditions? Will you make your own (by choice or life circumstances)? 

Oftentimes, we get upset because we feel that others are ungrateful for all that we do for them.

The shopping, the cooking of their favorite meals, the decorating. However, if a child stops them mid-cleaning or decorating mode to show them some random project, child, beware, your parent might not respond in a very nice holiday spirit sort of way. It’s like parents are under a spell. “I must get this done or else” and the parent ogre/ Navy Seals commander (you choose) comes out if anyone or anything gets in the way. So, is all of this really for your family? Or, is it really to serve some personal purpose and parents use the excuse “it’s all for the family” to justify it? 

We have a choice.

The cool thing is that we have a choice and the more we stick to newer more efficient choices, our brains rewire to go towards the choices that make more sense. This year, will you be the one to throw sh*t fits because you’re decorating your place to the nines while your kids are watching TV? Berating them under your breath for having raised such lazy and ungrateful children? Or, will you recognize that your complaint is the exact lack of gratitude you are embodying at that moment?

Instead, will you be the one to decide with or without anyone’s help how far you’ll take to decorating and preparing? At the end of the day, you get to choose what serves your purpose regardless of what others believe. And, if you care about your health, living in gratitude is scientifically proven to boost your immune system, and improve your mental health.