Stop the manipulation!
Set your worth!!
Ohhh, sounds so empowering, right? No one can talk to me that way anymore. I will show them! But boundaries will really show you. There’s an adrenaline rush just before you engage with a boundary crosser. The tribal drum music playing in the background of your mind while your heart beats just a little faster, just a litter deeper. The suspense. The recital of words to be said. “I will show you!” The fist up in the air while no one is watching.
And then, the act of speaking your mind. Your dagger. Straight to the heart of the issue. Your disentangling of years of mistreatment. Lack of validation. Lack of compassion. Unleashed in one conversation about one thing. “No more, mister. No more. I will not let you cross this line again.” I will be vulnerable. I will tell you how your actions caused pain. I am done making up excuses for you, ignoring it, or putting a smile on my face just to keep the peace. I am done. The conversation ends. And everyone goes along with their day. And there’s a feeling of accomplishment. “I stood up for myself” (cue in Hulk Hogan wrestling face).
But, what I think many people don’t talk about is the aftershock of the accomplishment. You’ve won the battle, but now take a good look at what you fought for. Take a look at that pillage. Take it all in. As the adrenaline has left you and you are left with razor-sharp clarity, you feel for the first time the weight off your shoulders. But boy, does it take some cracking your back to realign it. And boy, does that hurt.
And you realize for the first time or for the millionth time, how heavy and piercing that load was. You ask yourself, how could you have carried it for so long ? Why did you? What’s wrong with you? I’ll tell you. Because you sacrifice yourself for the best of others. Because you were taught that by smiling and looking pretty everything would be okay. Because you were taught that as a woman, our emblem of valor is exalted with the more and more things we take on.
Setting boundaries is tough because it goes against every illogical story we have been fed since we were little girls. It’s entering a new paradigm. It is different, it tests you. You feel bad afterward because you have been taught that speaking your truth means causing trouble. But if everything were hunky-dory, would your truth be troublesome? I am coming to realize that speaking your truth and living in alignment with that truth is the same as smiling and looking pretty. Because that’s the genuine smile that comes shining through. That’s the real pretty that’s catching everyone’s eye. If you struggle with setting boundaries, contact me. Let’s work it out together. I will support you.