Perfectionists can get a bad rep with their relentless striving for better, often for their unrealistically high standards in life and also their romantic relationships. 

Not all perfectionists are doomed for romance fails, but two main types of perfectionists have it the worst. In this post, we will focus on other-oriented perfectionists. 

Other-oriented perfectionists are the more narcissistic or egocentric of the three types of perfectionists.

They tend to view everyone beneath their caliber and expect them to behave perfectly despite their own shortcomings. They often are hypercritical of others and can often come off as entitled. 

Some research shows that the perfectionist’s romantic partners tend to view them in similarly high regard, while parents and friends of the perfectionist rate them as less grandiose. Romantic partners tend to be more influenced by their loved one’s perspective of the world and more likely to agree with them either because they genuinely do or it helps keep the peace at home. 

Perfectionists with narcissistic tendencies view themselves as born leaders and like to demand what they deem best from others. Part of this massive desire to control is to avoid future catastrophes. At some point early in their life, they experienced situations that sealed the perspective that most people are inferior to them and cannot be trusted. Prominent traits that ensued in other-oriented perfectionists include disappointment, distrust, and hostility. Less noticeable characteristics include agreeableness and nurturance.

Perfectionists with intense narcissism tend to relish self-promotion to control others, gain admiration, and enhance their self-view. However, these results are short-lived, if anything, because others on the receiving end catch on quickly and tend to be bothered by being put down or used for another’s advantage. When this method doesn’t work, the narcissist may become antagonistic or nasty towards the same individuals supposed to admire them. 

What causes a narcissistic perfectionist to react more strongly?

You are right if you guess public displays of mistakes and perceived failures. Research shows that this perfectionist is more likely to suffer from negative emotions and higher cortisol levels from a general error than if it happened in private. 

It’s challenging to maintain a healthy, balanced, compassionate relationship with someone who is to this extreme and unwilling to search for help to improve their quality of life and relationships. Though much of this desire to control and manipulate comes from an injured part of the person’s ego and attachment styles, it is that person’s responsibility to mend these wounds to lead a life with more fulfilling and reciprocal relationships. 

To find out what type of perfectionist you are, click here.