If your intentions are good, does that absolve you from the impact of your actions?
You think your intentions are pure but are you using them as an excuse to do exactly what you want regardless of the impact? Fellow perfectionists, we love giving unsolicited advice because if you would just listen to us, we could solve your problems in five seconds down pat. Many perfectionists tend to rely on the “ends justify the means” way of thinking because if the advice can create a better version of whatever is in question, then, aren’t the discomforting feelings worth it? So what if you feel like a careless ignorant piece of s^&%, as long as it will motivate you to do better next time. And, if you would be so kind to take into consideration that our intentions are well-meaning because there is so much love behind these words of wisdom, it would make our experience that much easier to tell you what to do, when, how, and why.
Perfectionism is an anomaly. It is a way to satiate the need to feel important in the lives of others. Yet, this need for closeness when instigated by way of unsolicited advice tends to push away those you care about the most with constant constructive criticism. The perfectionist mistakenly feels that the more perfect they can become, the more worthy they are of others’ trust and the more capacitated they are to offer advice. Yet, when instead of praise and intimacy, they receive rejection, lies, or numb acceptance, the perfectionist polarizes even more so towards perfection, super high standards, and self-righteousness.
I don’t remember who said this, but the advice goes something along the lines of- we can commit atrocious acts in the name of love. Can we say the same about respect? If you respect the person in front of you, would you trespass their right to be, think, feel, or act for themselves because you think (and maybe you do) know better? If the end result you are looking for is to improve their life’s situation, could that be possible by allowing them to figure it out on their own, or wait for them to ask you for advice?