Five everyday situations where you can reclaim your power …Or not give it up in the first place. 

1. Making plans to reclaim your time.

Who you desire to spend your time with is an important personal choice. If you choose to see one friend over another, it shouldn’t be a secret or backstab if you don’t make plans with the other friend. Check-in with yourself, how often are you excluding the other person(s)?

Can you understand your reasons behind these choices? Sometimes, we are in the mood to be around certain people, and sometimes, not. Honor that. If you notice that you’re last to be invited to group plans time and again or excluded altogether, reflect if this friend group is supporting your needs to be social?

Forcing friendships is gripping on to something that may not exist. As we grow, friendships change. Some last a lifetime, some shorter periods. If you’re set on a specific plan, why allow others to dictate how that plan will work out if you truly desire it? Are you willing to go alone? Must someone accompany you at all times? Many of us grapple with this quite often and our answers may waiver depending on the situation. 

2. Phone calls

Check-in with your idea of being nice. Must you always answer the call even if you’re busy? Many people think it’s rude to screen calls or to interrupt the other person to let them know they need to go. Especially, when the person on the other end is pouring their heart out about a delicate topic and the last thing you want is to leave them hanging.

So, it’s about making a choice- do you speak until there’s an opening and let them know you can continue the conversation later? Or do you choose to be late to the next thing but without bemoaning your tardiness? If you don’t have the time to speak with someone, it’s quite alright to say, I am busy but I will call you as soon as I can, instead of answering and rushing them or you to get off the call. 

3. Schedule

Start off by asking yourself – Who makes your schedule? Why is it designed in this way? Where are you in the hierarchy of priority of scheduling your life? If you take a minute and write out your schedule *realistically* *including the 10 minutes of IG scrolling at 7:00 AM- you will realize so much about where you fit in your list of top people.

Does your schedule rely on other people’s timeliness? What needs to happen to make sure their swagger doesn’t get in the way of your flow? We rush when we try to squeeze everything in, usually, to make everyone happy. But are you happy? Like chill happiness, not on the rollercoaster high off the thrill of showing off our superpowers and leaving everyone wondering, “Just how does she do it?” but at the end of the day, exhausted and feel like if we just tried a bit harder, more would get done.

Get off the ride. Actually, don’t even get on the rollercoaster. Pause. Scrutinize your schedule. Something has to give because if you’re depleted, there’s no way that you’re making anyone else happy. The ones who care about you, care more about *you* than what you do for them. 

4. Over understanding-Leads to martyrdom.

 I must accept and allow behaviors and comments that depreciate me or unnerve me because the other person is going through a hard time. Who am I to pay attention to my needs when they have it worse? We are not meant to be Mother Theresa (direct words from my mom). Discern.

You want to be there for someone but the topic is triggering you. Must it be you that they speak to if you’re not really sure how to handle these feelings yourself? How can you be there for someone and still keep in mind if this is the right time for you to talk to them? How can you be there for someone *and* communicate with them- I see you’re [insert feeling], I am here for you and I can’t help you if in the process of these feelings you are hurting me, ridiculing, insulting me. I cannot be your support if your actions/words are bringing me down. 

5. Under understanding – (I made this term up, forgive me if it doesn’t make sense).

All of the above and much more lead to this very moment. When we’ve had it, we lash out and usually with the innocent bystanders (typically, our children). Someone will make the slightest comment and BAM you let it rip. Lashing out is all about your poor boundaries and high erroneous expectations of being the glue that keeps it all together. Pay attention. When do you lash out? Time of day? Certain people? Specific topics? Check back to your schedule, to your relationships, to your ability to say yes/no to what you do, who you’re with. 

I know many of you, especially moms of littles, single/ divorced moms are thinking, “Eva, this all sounds good and great, but if I don’t do it, who will?” When we ask ourselves this question, I imagine like we’re in this deep hole in the middle of a road asking for help while the rest of the world unwittingly goes on with the hustle and bustle of life. It’s very lonely and scary. And many things, yes, we do need to do on our own. Yes, many things we do better than anyone else. Yes, many things we may have asked for, and no one came to our rescue. If there really is no one, then, when do we come for our rescue? Doing it all is not a life saver.

Strategically delegating tasks to the right people and scheduling our time wisely to find such people are life savers. Honesty with our capacities and breaking points so that we don’t reach our edge of niceness to meanness is a life saver. The main message is this, we can’t be the glue, the rock, the safe space, the happy one, the all-loving if we aren’t providing this solid foundation for ourselves. It takes desire, time, and effort to change the mindset leading to changed behaviors to create a life where you are exuding love all the while loving yourself. 

If you are already Losing It, Click Here.