Connection Keeps Us Centered

We feel connection to the events around us. It’s been a few weeks since the Champlain South Tower tragedy. We search for meaning and justice as we hold families separated from loved ones in our minds. When one heart is in anguish, we all suffer. The yearning to hear the voice of those we lost, the despair of not knowing. The regrets. The unfairness of it all. When time slows down, and impatience speeds up, nothing else matters. Our community becomes a shoulder to lean on and to stay connected for support.

In moments of inexplicable tragedy, our vulnerability to life’s fate is at the forefront and center, and everything we consider safe is questioned. How do we deal? Absolutely every decision made in life has, at one point or another, passed through the filter of “Is this a safe/good/healthy choice for me? For my family?” The abrupt destruction of the building demolishes our foolproof fabrication of safety. Because anything is possible, and we can only control what is in our hands and even then. Even then. You can find solace knowing that you continue to live in a world where you are only correct to a certain extent, or you can crumble under the uncertainty that you will never know with complete conviction what is to come. If you have lived through events where you felt helpless, stuck, alone, near death, victimized by the cruelty and negligence of others, the collapse of Champlain South Tower is quite triggering. Being triggered by another’s tragedy brings out our own wounds that need tending to.

Control

We spend so much of life attempting to control life to avoid death. We agonize over details that seem so important at the time. Which plates for this event? Do I wear nude sandals or black pumps? Do I wait 10 minutes to call them back or respond right away? Leave this job or stay another year? Our quest for the perfect, safest, smartest life falls apart when we’re faced with the reality that all of it only matters if it’s a means to connect and enjoy fully with our loved ones. And yet, the hedonistic and irrelevant details make up a life – so it’s not about abnegating ourselves from the enjoyment of things. Immediately after this event, our community reacted with an outpouring of physical, psychological, financial, materialistic support. So, it is not about the quality of the material; and it’s about the quality of attention placed on it.

Each moment of our life is to be loved fully. Even when we’re unhappy with the moment, each disappointment is regarded as a lesson to be learned about ourselves and how we choose to live life. There is such a fine line between living like any moment can be your last, acting impulsively off every whim, and living life respecting that each connection,  conversation, and interaction holds its meaningful weight, pleasurable or not.

When you are overcome with anxiety, pause, accept that everything is not fine, even if someone else is worse off. Acknowledge your feelings because that will help you find your way out of panic. If you can discern that at this moment, you aren’t thinking rationally, wait. Feel the feeling come up and drop. If you’re thinking in extremes, this is a clue you’re not thinking logically, and it’s not the moment to act. If you need help navigating the tumultuous feelings coming up, reach out for help. Connection is support.